Month: May 2023
No-Woke World Florida
A New No-Woke World theme park is planning to be built in the former Reedy Creek Improvement District in Florida. DeSantis has decided to use his unlimited powers to create a new government sponsored theme park called, “No-Woke World.” The park will be built on the land that DeSantis took from Disney World earlier this year. No-Woke World is set to compete against that “awful, so called, ‘Magic Kingdom,’” DeSantis stated. “Floridians elected me to go war with Disney and that annoying little pathetic mouse, harboring that squeaky, high pitched woke-infested voice. And, by golly, that’s what I’m going to do!”
When asked about whether DeSantis might be confused; that what he disturbingly and personally wants may not really be what Floridians want, he commented, “My personal grievances are Florida’s Personal grievances.” Proud of his tyrannical behavior, DeSantis announced that No-Woke-Mountain will be the park’s first attraction. Part of the thrill of the ride being promoted by DeSantis is that non-white citizens will be allowed on the ride but they must always go to the back of the line.
Also, before entering the ride, non-white citizens will be looked upon with suspicion by menacing policemen dressed in character costumes. White citizens will be given the “No-Woke” discount after visiting the park more than five times in a year. Black citizens must complete a, “Critical Race Theory is Discrimination,” twenty-hour educational course before they will be allowed to enter the park for the first time. For those who have trouble passing the course, watching 40 hours of PragerU videos will also satisfy entrance requirements. In all, No-Woke World is sure to be a hit that is bound to out-compete Disney World in the coming years by being true to its newly adopted motto (and recently approved by the Central Florida Tourism Oversight District), “The Most Disturbing Place on Earth.”
Tinker Bell Sent Packing for being Too Woke
Claiming, “that little fairy is just too woke,” Tinker Bell has been banned from Cinderella’s castle, effective immediately, by order of the evil wicked Governor of the East, Ron DeSantis. DeSantis also said he will soon start eviction proceedings against the poor reputation-soiled fairy starting Monday. Since 1971, Tinker Bell had made her home in the Peter Pan attraction at Disney World in Florida but is now forced to permanently relocate to her older home in the Peter Pan attraction in Disneyland in California. Note that, Wokeness, a religion once thought to be protected by the U.S. Constitution, has come under attack recently by autocratic government agencies and new Florida State laws intended to discriminate against anyone daring to practice Wokeness in Florida.