Humor

Applying the AG’s New Recursive Investigation Rule

Posted on

It’s not just the Mueller investigation that needs to be investigated, the revenge seeking mission to expose all those rats who had the gall to suspect the President was a crook, other investigations requiring investigation into their shameful waste of tax payer money are also now being considered:

  1. O. J. Simpson – no conviction in the 1990’s – was it a waste of money?
  2. Fatty Arbuckle – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  3. William Kennedy Smith – no conviction– was it a waste of money?
  4. John Hinckley, Jr. – not guilty by reason of insanity – was it a waste of money?
  5. Robert Blake – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  6. Michael Jackson – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  7. Amanda Knox – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  8. Casey Anthony – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  9. George Zimmerman – no conviction – was it a waste of money?
  10. Fat Election Hacker Guy in New Jersey Eating Pizza – waste?

The families of these people who had their lives turned upside-down by “Prosecutors Gone Wild” and who also participated in no collusion can now get their revenge thanks to their new Attorney General allies in the Justice Department.

Big Red Hats for Sale

Posted on Updated on

  • MAGA Hats – Just fantastically crafted American knowhow made in China hats; the standard apparel for any marching standoff with your favorite Native American Drummer. $25.99.
  • MAWA Hats – Equally crafted with a poignantly stinging overt message about what you really want America to be.  $25.99.
  • MANA Hats – In honor of all our beautiful friends from Norway. You’re going to love this smart looking hat with a slightly more subtle message about your positive border control and travel ban fears.  $27.99.

Benito Trumpolini and His Great Government Shutdown Wall!

Posted on Updated on

Trumpolini is implementing his glorious “Trumpolini First” policy by making our country and Federal Workers poor again!  Come celebrate this amazing accomplishment at the border with us today! Entertainment will be provided.  Some of the festivities will include watching hordes of amnesty seekers subjected to tear gas and loads of other fun but we’re running out of money for some reason to provide you all this great entertainment (we blame this on all the nasty Democrats).  So please go to our “GoFundMe” page!

There will be caged children, fireworks, plenty of name calling and testimonials from Federal Workers so happy not to receive their lousy unpatriotic paychecks while the rest of us at the congressional and executive levels feast in celebration!  And it should be noted that all Federal Workers know that their scant sacrifice during this shutdown is for the greater good of the great nation of Trumpolini!  And remember and don’t forget by supporting this patriotic shutdown endeavor you are working to, “Make Trumpolini Great Again!”

This has been a public service announcement sponsored by the Trumpolini Government’s Trumpolini First Ministry of Public Affairs.

 

The G-20 Hyperlink Blues

Posted on

Using his great deductive reasoning skills, Rudy Giuliani concluded that Twitter conspired with anti-Trump forces to malign his Tweet.  By failing to include a space between the end of a sentence and the next one, Giuliani errantly produced the hyperlink: G-20.in. This, of course, for most of us in the Tech World, means that Twitter thinks the word combination is a website with a domain extension of “.in” which is similar to “.gov”, “.com”, etc. (i.e. it makes the word combination “clickable”).  So, some bright individual noticed that, bought the domain name, “g-20.in” (to make a real website out of the domain name) and put up this great announcement, “Donald J. Trump is a traitor to our country” (see the hyperlink for the full webpage experience).  Twitter users could now be directed to this site as they click on Giuliana’s Tweet.

But, rather than find out what really happened, Giuliani constructs this whole elaborate conspiracy theory story that Twitter is behind some grand scheme to defame the President because Twitter allowed “someone to invade my text with a disgusting message.”  This makes something that was incredibly funny into something ridiculously funny but also, disturbingly outrageous at the same time because I think, as a former high profile prosecutor, Giuliani should know better.  I will refrain from making any kind of comment regarding what that might mean for his legal representative skills, however.

 

References:

http://g-20.in/

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/dec/05/rudy-giuliani-helps-create-anti-trump-protest-website-with-twitter-typo

The Swallowed Whistle Detective Agency

Posted on

We specialize in finding Anonymous Op-Ed writers who may have caused you treasonous harm.  At “The Swallowed Whistle Detective Agency” we will leave no stone unturned.  Our sophisticated investigated methods will root out the enemy within your organization.  Do you have an annoying Anonymous Op-Ed writer who has just written a scathing rebuke of your leadership skills or, perhaps, this cowardly unidentified two-faced individual dissed your ability to understand simple, basic principles of American freedom and justice?  Or, maybe, you have been accused of cozying-up to dictators who have taken advantage of your ego and your limited brainpower?

No problem.  We will find your traitorous informer within 30 days or you get a full refund, satisfaction guaranteed!  With “The Swallowed Whistle Detective Agency” on the trail, the happy Anonymous Op-Ed writing days of your unknown antagonist will soon be coming to an end.  So, call now for a free consultation so you can get back to doing what you do best—destroying your country’s democratic institutions and it’s standing in the world with reckless disregard!

The Republicans who Stole Christmas

Posted on Updated on

“The Republicans who stole Christmas:” all about an evil, devious Tax Plan that takes from the poor single homeowners, robbing them of their tax credits and deductions, to give to the rich corporations.    Watch as Mr. Potter and President Bone Spurs, heads of the two biggest New York Wall Building conglomerates, compete to outdo each other in finger-twiddling schemes to reap even bigger rewards from the injustices they are allowed to employ against the struggling, unentitled poor.  Yes, the new Tax Plan is their new secret weapon that allows them to upgrade Potterville and Bone Spurs World to even worse living conditions.

Meanwhile, these two robber barons, Mr. Potter and President Bone Spurs, continue to get away with paying no taxes at all.  Billionaires, it’s time to watch the little guy lose for once!  Forget the George Baily’s of the world and their hapless guardian angels—that’s so passé.  Coming to America in the spring of 2018—watch for the new increased federal taxes taken from your paycheck in 2018 to pay for the new Tax Plan in 2019!  Check local listings for a theatre near you!  Also, in iMAX and 3D!

Patriotic Fox Sports Announcers and Other Boobs

Posted on

I agree with Brooke Baldwin.  You cannot say:  “I believe in the First Amendment and boobs.”  You can either say, “I believe in the First Amendment” or “I believe in boobs.”  But you cannot use both in the same sentence.  It also would be improper to say:  “I believe in First Amendment boobs” (regardless of how patriotic you think you might be sounding).  However, if you voted for one, then saying, “I believe in political boobs,” would be perfectly acceptable.  And that leads me to my final point: the only time it might be acceptable to say “I believe in boobs” at all on national television is if you happen to be one.

Fox Sports Radio’s Clay Travis’s dysfunctional response to Baldwin during her interview on Friday, September 15, is obviously offensive to anyone who believes public statements should promote a certain amount of decent coherency along with a certain amount of reasonable civility and respect.  While the First Amendment does give Travis the right to expose debased portions of his mind; it doesn’t mean he should ever use it to do that without considering the forum of his free speech.  Nor should Travis expect decent people to think he is being more clever than obnoxious for doing so.

But, one thing we should give Fox Sports Radio’s Clay Travis some credit for: at least he didn’t say he goes around grabbing boobs that don’t belong to him or that he uses his celebrity status to help him execute such overtly licentiously conceived plans.  Those careless thoughts might just get him elected President of the United States.

What is this country coming to and what the heck is going on at Fox with all this crazy regressive subculture they seem to want to own?  How long will the Fox Network continue to appear to be actively promoting sexual misconduct and degeneration within their midst?  And one last question: does the basket stop here?  Or is it something more systemic that is growing in our general population that should cause us more alarm?  I guess I will let you know after I get done eating lunch at my favorite owl themed restaurant (“Oh Miss, can I get another basket of deplorables, I mean, buffalo wings?”).

 

References

CNN Anchor Ends Segment Early Over Commentator’s Bizarre ‘Boobs’ Remark